hearing the mushrooms sing

There is a description in 'One River' by Wade Davis about how the indigenous people identify plants. Basically, they identify them by the song that they sing. There are some elements of this in Cree language as well, there are numerous names for the Aspen tree depending on the season and the sound that the leaves make.

When I was first learning to identify mushrooms it was a slow and tedious process, mostly because I was trying to insure that I didn't poison myself and ultimately my kids. I always ate them first and waited to make sure that there were no unpleasant side effects before feeding them to the girls. Once I gained more confidence and could identify the majority of the mushrooms that were in my environment and became in tune with when they would be available I would just wake up with the inclination that was the day to go and look. Initially I spent a lot of time hunting and searching... and then I realized that I would often just happen to look at the right place or be drawn to a new area where they were in abundance. I knew that I couldn't actually 'hear' them sing... I was raised in this culture where we take spore samples and study field guides... but somewhere deep down inside was the memory... I could hear them sing at this level.

So what's the point of talking about mushroom hunting when the snow is falling outside of my window and mushroom season is a ways off yet...

It occurred to me this morning that being in that receptive head space was the way to proceed with my life. There are lots of times where I feel like time went on without me, things happened that I hadn't heard about... 9 years is a long time to be off grid in the forest. I sometimes feel like I'm playing catch up... Time to stop fretting about whether I am missing anything while I analyze everything to death in my head... I will hear the song... I will turn and look at the right time. I'm not missing anything... it's all as it should be... time to relax and enjoy the path.

xoL

Thanks for the free therapy... sometimes ya just need to vent.

In all honesty, I was just going to sit there and listen and be a witness and support for my daughter... but watching her curl into herself while he delivered a biting and manipulative rant intended to make her feel guilty for asking for less phone access, made me want to rip out throats and kick in heads... instead I just asked clearly whether he intended to respect her request and sign the papers or was he refusing... repeatedly... while he talked over me and told me to keep my voice down. To clarify, I was battling laryngitis after a case of strep... not exactly loud.

A little background... A week ago my oldest daughter summoned up all her courage and very clearly and directly asked her father to only have one phone call per week. There is currently two calls. They are rarely over a minute, as she doesn't actually like the calls, and for the most part he doesn't hear what they have to say, to the degree that he will answer their questions with completely unrelated thoughts and will make comments that have nothing to do with what they actually said. The youngest daughter will say hello one out of ten calls on average. Frankly, it's a complete and utter waste of time, and I get stuck with the awesome job of listening to their complaints about the calls and trying to make it as smooth and empowering for them as possible. So when my oldest specifically asked her father for less calls and was answered with "we'll talk about that later". I decided that a week was later. So I wrote up a revision in order to change the calls as per her request. This was presented to him by the supervisor at the visit access. He refused to sign. Granted he is in no way legally obligated to agree to this revision.

However, I see this as a huge opportunity missed on his part. This was a chance to show his daughters that he does in fact listen to them, and does respect what they have to say. Instead he reinforced their belief that he is selfish and controlling. He actually told them that "they didn't have to talk, he just wanted them to answer the phone so he could check up on them and make sure they were ok"... seriously. It sort of feels like legalized stalking...

In family law the decisions are intended to be based on what is best for the child. Parental access is about maintaining loving healthy relationships. It's not about keeping terrorist-like behaviour going. It's not about checking up and telling the children how they should feel and behave.

I have sole custody because I'm a good parent. I am mentally stable. I make my decisions based on what I feel is the healthiest choice for my children. I do not need to be checked up on... but then maybe it's important to remember that the only reason we are all alive and here today is because the hex went to the police with a complaint about me and they promptly came out in to the forest to make sure we were ok. His games aren't fooling anyone but himself, and perhaps his family.

I get a gold star for not cussing or kicking.

And my oldest daughter gets a gold star for being brave and speaking honestly. I must be doing something right :)

xoL

feral |ˈfi(ə)rəl; ˈferəl|adjective(esp. of an animal) in a wild state, esp. after escape from captivity ordomestication : a feral cat.• resembling a wild animal : a feral snarl.ORIGIN early 17th cent.: from Latin fera ‘wild animal’ (from ferus‘wild’ ) + -al .

Hot shovelling... it's like regular shovelling except fit chicks do it ;)

I love a challenging day... and today was a good one. I have had kids take turns being sick for the last 3 weeks... while I've been juggling an increased work schedule... all kinds of fun. Well, today I finally hit the wall myself... actually I've been battling it and denying it's existence for the last 3 weeks... mothers don't have time for sickness... and what's the point unless your own mother is going to come and nurse you.

Meanwhile, it snowed about a foot overnight... so I finally hauled myself out of bed after lunch and decided I had better get it sorted before the weather warmed up and it wasn't fluffy and light anymore. It stupefies a few people as to why a non car owner would shovel their driveway... well... I'm an anomaly, everyone else in my world drives, including my bridal clients (and yes it's started already).

In the back of my mind I have been trying to work out some ish around moving to an acreage and starting a fibre farm and having way more space to work from... but if you've read this blog for a while then you are well aware that I have some trauma from my previous time spent in the forest... and yes I know that was extreme and not evenly remotely similar to what I'm wanting to do this spring... but still... when you are feeling sick and achy and dizzy you start to wonder if you should take on more than the current situation and whether you should really move out to the forest with two daughters... despite the crap I dealt with in the past there were some things that were not my job... anything to do with operating a chain saw, changing oil, or purchasing vehicles was not my domain... I stocked the pantry and foraged and took care of babies, laundry, and the chopping of fire wood and melting of snow... and it was hard.

But... I went outside and took almost two hours to shovel my driveway of doom today... and sweated out my fever... then I drew a hot bath... killed some brain cells on pinterest... and realized... hell ya... I can do anything!

Hard lesson... worth every moment!

Looks like I'm moving back to the forest after all.

xoL

“The trouble with you is that the only way you can communicate is through art. You’ve never learned to communicate your feelings to a man. You don’t even want to communicate in a relationship. You think that if you open up to love, you’ll lose your independence or your self-expression or creativity or whatever you call all that passionate, wonderful stuff that makes you feel alive inside.” 
― Tom Robbins, Skinny Legs and All

“One cannot avoid life by hiding in the mountains, because life
exists there as well.  But one can avoid the disturbance of the external
world by remaining centered and calm like a  mountain.”

                                                -- I Ching by Hua-Ching Ni

Forest, Water, Southern Exposure...

Solstice.

I love solstice... and it's pretty special on planet Kootenay. Beautiful people in a beautiful building that has been lovingly restored and maintained by one of my favourite communities. The music was inspirational and AMAZING... and really... the people are beautiful (definitely worth noting twice ;)

I learned a few things while dancing in the light... there is no shortage of yummy men in the neighbourhood...

... so perhaps I can convince everyone to drop the bachelor shopping for me and instead focus on house hunting... because housing is where there's a shortage in this neck of the woods... and to have the same energy and enthusiasm put to finding a sweet little homestead for my self and the wee owls would be truly revolutionary.

The buds are germinating on the trees... and my brain is germinating on plans and ideas for the next cycle of the sun...

Many blessings,

xoL